September 2023
Most of my good qualities come from my parents. I will own the bad qualities for myself. A visit home to Portland and time spent with my loving parents reminded me of the good I’d inherited from them, like this bit of wisdom from my mom.
Joan McNamara has a gift for finding something redeeming in almost everyone. She easily connects with people. After just a phone call, she will know your life story. Then she’ll ask you about some particular detail when she talks to you six months later. She has been known to wear down a salesperson with persistent niceness until they are bending over backwards to make her a special deal, accept a return, or get back to her with further information. I learned much from my mom, but how to win others over with woo is among the most valuable.
She is a passionate advocate for the planet. She and my dad started the first home-based recycling depot in the State of Oregon. During my middle and early high school years, I made some pocket money taking back recycling. I would take out the middle seat of our blue Volkswagen bus and load up with newspapers one week, cans the next, and glass the next. I would pay one of my parents $5 to drive me to the redemption center, ending up with $25 or $30 bucks for myself. In the 1970s, that was big money for a kid like me.
Mom was a psychology major at Willamette University. She met my dad when they both worked in the welfare office in Multnomah County. She taught elementary school when my dad was in graduate school. During the early years of motherhood – which must have seemed a blur with three babies just four years apart – she was a stay-at-home mom. Later she got a job at Bonneville Power Administration and worked her way up the federal government ranks with her smarts, organizational skills, and get-it-done attitude.
I remember when my sisters and I were young adults and were all back home for a time. One of my mom’s friends from work and his wife were over for a meal. He said, “Do you realize how much your mom sacrificed for you kids?” She piped right up in reply. “I never saw it as a sacrifice. In fact, I enjoyed those times as much as the kids did. Talking long walks in the neighborhood and picking up leaves. Laughing or crying together. Playing games and singing hymns together. That was never a sacrifice. That was what I always wanted to do and what our family needed then.”
There are many nuggets of wisdom from my mom. One of my favorites came when we had recently returned from summer camp. Starting in third grade until the end of high school, my sisters and I attended one (or more) United Methodist Church camps each summer. My older sister Kathleen and I were only one year apart in school. We often attended the same camps. This particular summer we had come from Suttle Lake Camp in Central Oregon. My camp sweetheart Martha was over. We sat at the kitchen table reviewing the whole camp experience with my big sister. Mom was cooking and listening in.
We said of one of the guys at our camp, “What a dork!” Then went on to recall all the dorky things this kid did. That’s when my mom chimed in with an unforgettable comment. At the time we laughed so hard. But as the years unfold, we have all come to see the truth in Mom’s wisdom.
“Dorks are some of the nicest people I know,” Mom sincerely said.
Photo Credit: Ray Bidegain